One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: “When you’re in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe.” (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us. He went on, “Nothing means as much without that person.” One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing, “So you’re saying you can’t enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you’re really in love with them?” “Of course not.” the professor replied. “Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don’t witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It’s not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more.
Tuxedo Mask (Sailor Moon) Proposal (by Alexander Hall)
Two other women, also breast cancer survivors, said their husbands left them after they were diagnosed. Both had to have mastectomies (in case anyone doesn’t know, this is the surgical operation to remove one or both breasts).
The first woman said her husband told her that he would rather see her dead than see her lose her breasts. The second woman had her operation and waited all day to be picked up by her husband, who never arrived. By nightfall, one of the nurses offered to give her a ride, and she came home to find the house empty.
Obviously, these are extreme cases of a man’s reaction to his wife’s breast cancer, but this is what I see when I see the “I ♥ Boobies” bracelets. I see love of the body parts, not the person being treated—not the patient, not the victim, not the survivor.
This is why I love Tumblr. There are so many unique perspectives that really make me think & this is no exception.
HELP SOME ONE
thought i would create a powerpoint on this since the post went down well yesterday
I always feel bad when I’m actually okay, but I still haven’t stopped hyperventilating >.<;
I’m not saying that at some point love isn’t staying up until 2am phone calls or stealing kisses when you least expect it, or instantly falling for each other’s favorite songs because it is, or at least that’s what the lead up to it feels like, but real love, is so much more. It’s going out at 12am to get something to eat for your wife who can’t get out of bed, it’s listening to them as they explode with vulnerability on your living room couch talking about how they were only so young when their parents passed on. it’s remembering how someone likes their coffee in the morning without asking—without ever asking, it’s visiting someone in the hospital knowing the last thing you want to do is see them in that condition, it’s wanting to be with that person despite everything, the future, the past, and everything in between, it’s the intimate things that you don’t even realize involve such intimacy, but they do, in secret, like the pinky promises you two made behind your back, to love one another for always, in the time you thought you were in love, when you were actually just on your way to it.
There’s probably a conversation to be had here about white men and their belief that their needs and wants are more important than everyone else’s (in this particular case Black women) and white men not taking the anger of Black women seriously.
Also, part of that conversation is the discussion of “Have a sense of humor!” I can’t tell you how many times dudes have done sexist or racist shit and then when called out on it they always say they were “just joking” and to “have a sense of humor”. Such a fucking cop out.
GET HIM GIRL
Yes he was very rude, and I think he was a total ass for doing that.
But I don’t think was she did was ok either.
I don’t think that proved anything.
oh I think it definitely proved something.
it proved that when you sit there and harass a woman, when you laugh at her anger, she will give you something to fucking laugh about. and I bet the next time he considers being a grade A douchenozzle to somebody else, he’s gonna think twice. because maybe, just maybe, they’ll mace his ass, too.
he was beyond rude. he spoke over her. he ignored her and tried to get his needs met first when he clearly saw she was at the counter ahead of him. and then he continued to verbally harass and patronize her, all the while she was sending clear “back the fuck off” signals and messages. after all of that, he laughs. he laughs at her annoyance. he laughs in the face of her anger. it’s not about “having a sense of humor”, his actions shouted I DON’T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. his laughter was a clear indication of his privilege, his entitlement, and his misogyny. by laughing at her, a black woman who has on several occasions threatened to take action if he did not stop being an asshole, he basically told her he did not respect her, her emotions, or the space she takes up in this world.
this isn’t just about some white guy being a dick. it’s about how our society is still fucked up, how it grooms white men to think they are god’s fucking gift, how it objectifies and demeans women, and above all I think, how racism is still ingrained within white society on a smaller and more subtle, individual scale.